FAILURE ?

OVERCOMING FAILURE

 

Failure is a given in life; expecting to sail through without it is unrealistic and sets you up to fall harder when failure does happen. Avoiding failure also prevents you from focusing on gaining the resiliency needed to cope with it, a vital element of bouncing back.

It is unfortunate that in societies obsessed with success and achievement, failure can be made to feel like the worst thing that could ever happen to a person. The reality is that failure is common but so is overcoming it and pushing through to more success. Even when failure occurs, there is always something to be learned from it. In these sessions we will learn a little about how to overcome failure through having the right attitude and letting GOD be in control. When you don't let the mishaps of life keep you down too long, then nobody else will be able to keep you down too long either.

Expect mistakes. Life's hard knocks are as common as life's successes. To expect the process of living to always be smooth sailing is to invite a lack of realism into your life. It happens to the best of us. Failure helps to create balance in your life and presents an opportunity for personal growth. Accepting the inevitability that things won't always go your way is an important part of avoiding becoming bitter and twisted, and prevents you from simply resting on your laurels and never pushing further to realize your full potential. •Learn to love finding out that you're wrong about something. That's not failure; it teaches you and is the path to finding the right way. Remember the saying “if god brings you to it he will see you through it”

2 Corinthians 1:7-9 Our hope for you remains firm. We know that you suffer just as we do. In the same way, God comforts you just as he comforts us. Brothers and sisters, we want you to know about the hard times we suffered in Asia Minor. We were having a lot of trouble. It was far more than we could stand. We even thought we were going to die. In fact, in our hearts we felt as if we were under the sentence of death. But that happened so that we would not depend on ourselves but on God. He raises the dead to life.

 

Remind yourself that you are good enough. Not believing we are good enough rests at the heart of fearing failure. Failures serve as proof of this greatest fear, causing us to want to withdraw. However, this fear is not reality; nobody is perfect and everyone has failures. The real difference between people who become successful and overcome failure and those who do not comes down to how you manage failure and how you view it. Feeling inadequate is a common human feeling that even very public, very successful people feel but they don't let it keep them down. You are good enough; all you need is to give yourself the go-ahead to keep trying. Name some from the bible and now……2 Timothy 4:7 I have fought the good fight. I have finished the race. I have kept the faith.

Remain calm. Whatever you're feeling about a failure, don't lose your composure over it. Look at it this way – it won't make any difference to the outcome whether you blow your top or stay calm but it will take a lot less energy and maintain your reputation if you choose to remain calm. If you're really frustrated and angry, channel these emotions to motivate you to start again. • Don't take your anger out on others. It's not good to bottle up feelings, but you can't go around taking out your anger on those around you for no good reason. Go for a run, or a swim, to relieve tension and give you space to think and pray and read your bible. Just do something focused to distract yourself from the intense feelings until they calm. • Take your time. People don't usually recover from a large failure overnight. It takes time for the emotions to heal. That doesn't mean you're entitled to mope though. This time is better spent going over how to do it better next time and building up your resilience. Isaiah 40:31 But those who trust(wait on)  in the Lord will receive new strength. They will fly as high as eagles. They will run and not get tired. They will walk and not grow weak.

Forget about how other people view you. Not only will any very obvious failure soon be yesterday's news, but if you think other people are judging you (and maybe they are, maybe they aren't), it won't be long before they're too busy worrying about their own failures to sling mud at yours. After all, everyone's going to fail now and then; looking at someone else has a way of boomeranging right back, this helps to do away with constant criticism. What does it really matter what the critics think? Most of the time they have no clue what effort has gone into what you've done and what you're trying to achieve – it's all too easy to be an expert critic without knowing the inside information. •Allow each failure to serve as an opportunity to strengthen your determination in the face of criticism. This is a far more healthy response than giving in to believing the often nasty and thoughtless things other people can say. Matthew 12:36 I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, READ 33-37

Shift out of your head space. All of the negativity is in your head. The reality is that you will recover. And the bonus is that you will gain knowledge, insight, and experience – wisdom that only those who tried something can lay claim to. Step outside of your personal negative feelings and reach out to the people around you who care about you; enjoy their company and learn about how other people cope with failures instead of simply focusing on yourself. Give it to GOD. • Look at each failure as a stepping stone to a stronger self. Treat each failure as a gift of learning what not to do in the future. •Respect the humility that comes with failure. Too much success can sometimes lead us astray and cause us to grow an unwarranted sense of being infallible and feeling superior to others. Failure can knock the stuffing out of such unrealistic thoughts and help set you back on the right course. Romans 12:3 For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you.

Stop worrying, start laughing. Yes, the sun will come up again tomorrow. Yes, things might be miserable for a little while but how will worrying help? Think back to a time when you worried a lot. Did it make any difference? Most likely not, apart from giving you more wrinkles and gray hair. The greatest thing you can do for yourself during failure is to inject humor into your reflection of what happened. While there will be a period in which you feel especially tender, being able to laugh at yourself for mistakes can be an important part of the healing process, readying you for moving on again. Being able to say "Oh I did that, ha, ha" is part of putting failure into perspective. •Be very careful that you don't take on other people's mistakes or circumstances as being your failure. Humor is one way of telling you that you don't need to carry the world on your shoulders and that sometimes, things just happen, no matter what you do or do not do. Psalm 126:2 Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues with songs of joy. Then it was said among the nations, “The Lord has done great things for them.”

 

Review what your failure has taught you. There are always things to take away from a failure. It might also be the case that you have made the failure seem worse than it is; partial failure is also partial success and if you can draw out what was successful and build on that, the sense of having failed lessens. Learning never stops. •Failure can help you discover your best self. Failure is a signal that you're willing to press on and discover new talents, reaching beyond what you know into what you don't know. •Failure is about mastery. It's easy to flip from one new thing to another and be a Jack or Jill of many skills but a master or mistress of none. It's much, much harder to have the patience to master one thing really well and to do it with precision and exactitude. And to master something, one must fail at it, a lot.• Failure teaches you about will-power, persistence, self-discipline, trusting GOD and the value of hard work. One of the signs of living in fear of failure is distraction. When you allow distraction to overtake your life, you're comforted that your distractions can hide your potential to fail. Ironically, distracting yourself is a failure in its own right – a failure to take the time to keep trying, to continue toward perfecting whatever you're learning to do or seeking to become. Ultimately, failure teaches you the value of persistence and hard work. James 2:17 -So also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.

Stay in the present. Fear of failure is a future projection of worry and a reliance on what happened in the past. If you're stuck in this kind of thinking, you're living life according to what might happen. By remaining in the present, you stay focused on the potential of now and allow your creativity, smarts, and GOD’s will to bloom. Past failures are lessons for better understandings in the present and an improved sense of living now; the future is created through your commitment to the present rather than your present being lead by your fear of tomorrow's possible losses. • Embrace fear. Failure can only keep you down if you continue to fear it. Embrace the fear and you release yourself from its control. Allowing fear to control you renders you vulnerable to being controlled. Unchecked fear can cause you to let others make decisions for you in life; while that may be a recipe for not taking responsibility when things go wrong, it can also mean you lose your sense of creativity, innovation, and even your sense of self. Help show people it's not only fine to fail but healthy to break this fear! Psalms 23

Focus on trying again. Discouragement and failure are two of the surest stepping stones to success. “Hanging in there” is the source of success for the majority of people on this planet. Overnight successes are rare; they are usually people who have been trying and failing and trying again many times over. Giving up too soon means that you'll never know whether what you're seeking to do or be was achievable this is the case for "the majority of people"!•Don't confuse lack of persistence with a goal that's not possible to achieve; most times it's the lack of persistence and not the goal that's the problem. Naturally, doing things the exact same way that lead to failure is not the answer; instead, focus on the goal and take the lessons from what didn't work to show you how you can find new, improved ways to reach your goal this time. Luke 21:19 By standing firm you will gain life.

Grow. We don't just grow for ourselves – we grow so that we can contribute well beyond ourselves. This is an important thing to remember when you're growing   through failures. Your experiences are available for others to learn from if you're willing to share them, as well as being willing to share with others how you pushed beyond failure into a more fruitful and fulfilling outcome, and even what happened when you couldn't overcome the failure. This helps everyone become more understanding and accepting of the role of failure in a successful life. Philippians 2:4 -Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others

Ditch boredom and live large. Failure is the flipside of success and without it, there could be no joy in pushing through the odds, to know what success truly feels like when achieved. At the end of the day, it's a funny world where we're all longing for everything to be simple and easy without any bumps on the road; the sooner you realize that life doesn't come with trials, the sooner you'll be happier about experiencing the bumps. And just imagine how boring life would be if you had nothing to improve or aim for! Keep in mind that the feeling of failure is the feeling of being alive. It's a sign you've given things a go, pushed boundaries, and bounced back.

 

1 John 4:4 You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.

E A S T E R !

The reason I am here today.


After the Sabbath, at dawn on the first day of the week, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary went to look at the tomb. There was a violent earthquake, for an angel of the Lord came down from heaven and, going to the tomb, rolled back the stone and sat on it. His appearance was like lightning, and his clothes were white as snow. The guards were so afraid of him that they shook and became like dead men. The angel said to the women, “Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looki...ng for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay. Then go quickly and tell his disciples: ‘He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him.’ Now I have told you.” So the women hurried away from the tomb, afraid yet filled with joy, and ran to tell his disciples. Suddenly Jesus met them. “Greetings,” he said. They came to him, clasped his feet and worshiped him. Then Jesus said to them, “Do not be afraid. Go and tell my brothers to go to Galilee; there they will see me.” While the women were on their way, some of the guards went into the city and reported to the chief priests everything that had happened. When the chief priests had met with the elders and devised a plan, they gave the soldiers a large sum of money, telling them, “You are to say, ‘His disciples came during the night and stole him away while we were asleep.’ If this report gets to the governor, we will satisfy him and keep you out of trouble.” So the soldiers took the money and did as they were instructed. And this story has been widely circulated among the Jews to this very day. Then the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain where Jesus had told them to go. When they saw him, they worshiped him; but some doubted. Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” (Matthew 28:1-20 NIV)

Things you MUST do

Start spending time with the right people. – These are the people you enjoy, who love and appreciate you, and who encourage you to improve in healthy and exciting ways. They are the ones who make you feel more alive, and not only embrace who you are now, but also embrace and embody who you want to be, unconditionally

Start facing your problems head on. – It isn’t your problems that define you, but how you react to them and recover from them. Problems will not disappear unless you take action. Do what you can, when you can, and acknowledge what you’ve done. It’s all about taking baby steps in the right direction, inch by inch. These inches count, they add up to yards and miles in the long run.

Start being honest with yourself about everything. – Be honest about what’s right, as well as what needs to be changed. Be honest about what you want to achieve and who you want to become. Be honest with every aspect of your life, always. Because you are the one person you can forever count on. Search your soul, for the truth, so that you truly know who you are. Once you do, you’ll have a better understanding of where you are now and how you got here, and you’ll be better equipped to identify where you want to go and how to get there.

Start noticing and living in the present. – Right now is a miracle. Right now is the only moment guaranteed to you. Right now is life. So stop thinking about how great things will be in the future. Stop dwelling on what did or didn’t happen in the past. Learn to be in the ‘here and now’ and experience life as it’s happening. Appreciate the world for the beauty that it holds, right now.

  Start valuing the lessons your mistakes teach you. – Mistakes are okay; they’re the stepping stones of progress. If you’re not failing from time to time, you’re not trying hard enough and you’re not learning. Take risks, stumble, fall, and then get up and try again. Appreciate that you are pushing yourself, learning, growing and improving. Significant achievements are almost invariably realized at the end of a long road of failures. One of the ‘mistakes’ you fear might just be the link to your greatest achievement.

Start being more polite to yourself. – If you had a friend who spoke to you in the same way that you sometimes speak to yourself, how long would you allow that person to be your friend? The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others. You must love who you are or no one else will.

 Start enjoying the things you already have. – The problem with many of us is that we think we’ll be happy when we reach a certain level in life – a level we see others operating at – your boss with her corner office, that friend of a friend who owns a mansion on the beach, etc. Unfortunately, it takes awhile before you get there, and when you get there you’ll likely have a new destination in mind. You’ll end up spending your whole life working toward something new without ever stopping to enjoy the things you have now. So take a quiet moment every morning when you first awake to appreciate where you are and what you already have.

 Start entering new relationships for the right reasons. – Enter new relationships with dependable, honest people who reflect the person you are and the person you want to be. Choose friends you are proud to know, people you admire, who show you love and respect – people who reciprocate your kindness and commitment. And pay attention to what people do, because a person’s actions are much more important than their words or how others represent them.

Start giving new people you meet a chance. – It sounds harsh, but you cannot keep every friend you’ve ever made. People and priorities change. As some relationships fade others will grow. Appreciate the possibility of new relationships as you naturally let go of old ones that no longer work. Trust your judgment. Embrace new relationships, knowing that you are entering into unfamiliar territory. Be ready to learn, be ready for a challenge, and be ready to meet someone that might just change your life forever.

Start cheering for other people’s victories. – Start noticing what you like about others and tell them. Having an appreciation for how amazing the people around you are leads to good places – productive, fulfilling, peaceful places. So be happy for those who are making progress. Cheer for their victories. Be thankful for their blessings, openly. What goes around comes around, and sooner or later the people you’re cheering for will start cheering for you.

Start looking for the silver lining in tough situations. – When things are hard, and you feel down, take a few deep breaths and look for the silver lining – the small glimmers of hope. Remind yourself that you can and will grow stronger from these hard times. And remain conscious of your blessings and victories – all the things in your life that are right. Focus on what you have, not on what you haven’t.

Start forgiving yourself and others. – We’ve all been hurt by our own decisions and by others. And while the pain of these experiences is normal, sometimes it lingers for too long. We relive the pain over and over and have a hard time letting go. Forgiveness is the remedy. It doesn’t mean you’re erasing the past, or forgetting what happened. It means you’re letting go of the resentment and pain, and instead choosing to learn from the incident and move on with your life.

Start helping those around you. – Care about people. Guide them if you know a better way. The more you help others, the more they will want to help you. Love and kindness begets love and kindness. And so on and so forth.

Start noticing how wealthy you are right now. – Henry David Thoreau once said, “Wealth is the ability to fully experience life.” Even when times are tough, it’s always important to keep things in perspective. You didn’t go to sleep hungry last night. You didn’t go to sleep outside. You had a choice of what clothes to wear this morning. You hardly broke a sweat today. You didn’t spend a minute in fear. You have access to clean drinking water. You have access to medical care. You have access to the Internet. You can read. Some might say you are incredibly wealthy, so remember to be grateful for all the things you do have.

Thank You, Marc and Angel 

Fail Safe

Fear of Failure

The fear of failure is a common fear. People fear…

 Failing as a parent

 Failing as a friend or companion

 Failing in their careers

 Failing as a Christian

We will look at ways to overcome your Fear of Failure:

 Remember that everyone fails.

A recent study showed that the failure rate of human beings is 100%. Nobody’s perfect.

Moses failed (Exodus 2:11-15).

We all stumble in many ways (James 3:2).

Though a righteous man falls seven times, he rises again (Pr. 24:16).

      The Bible does not hide the failures of its heroes. That’s the difference between the stories of the Bible and many stories told about people today. Many stories about well-known people, even Christians don’t tell us about the person’s failures. You might get the impression that they never struggled.

Babe Ruth was once baseball’s all-time home run king. But did you know that he was also the all-time strikeout champion. He struck out almost twice as often as he hit home runs. He knew that he had to risk striking out in order to hit those home runs. When asked for the secret of his success, Ruth replied, “I just keep on swingin’ at ‘em!”

 Realize that failure is not final.

Moses once was a prince; now he’s a shepherd. He once was famous; now he’s forgotten. His life once was full of promise; now his life seems destined to end in failure. But Moses’ failure was not final (Exodus 3:1-10).

Try to identify this historical figure: When I was seven years old, my family was forced out of our home because of a legal technicality. I had to work to help support my family. At age nine, while still a backwards, shy little boy, my mother died. At age 22, I lost my job as a store clerk. I wanted to go to law school but my education wasn’t good enough. At 23, I went into debt to become a partner in a small store. Three years later my partner died leaving me a huge debt, which took years to repay. At 28, after developing romantic relations with a young lady for four years, I asked her to marry me. She said no. At 37, on my third try, I was finally elected to the United States Congress. Two years later, I ran again and failed to be re-elected. I had a nervous breakdown at that time. At 41, adding additional heartache to an already unhappy marriage, my four-year-old son died. The next year I ran for Land Officer and lost. At 45, I ran for the Senate and lost. A few years later, I ran for the Vice Presidency and lost. At 49, I ran for the Senate again and lost. And at 51, I was elected President of the United States. Who am I? My name is Abraham Lincoln. Lincoln’s life was one continuous failure. But he kept on going and became probably the greatest President in American history. He realized that failure is not final.

 Recognize the benefits of failure.

Moses may not have been chose to be Israel’s deliverer if he had never failed.

We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose (Rom. 8:28). All things includes failures. That doesn’t mean that our failures are good. But God can take our failures and bring something good out of them.

• Failure educates us. How?

• Failure makes us less judgmental. How?

 Replace your fear with faith in God.

Moses offered many excuses, but God had an answer for them all (Exodus 3:11-15; 4:1-17).

Moses’ excuse: I’m nobody. “Who am I?” (v. 11).

God’s answer: It doesn’t matter who you are! “I will be with you” (v. 12). Don’t think, “Who am I?” Remember that God says, “I will be with you.”

Moses’ excuse: I’m not smart enough. (I don’t even know your name!) “What shall I tell them?” (v. 13).

God’s answer: “I AM WHO I AM” (v. 14). Yahweh (also translated Jehovah) is derived from the Hebrews word for “I am.” God is emphasizing His unchanging nature. The same God who helped Moses’ ancestors Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob would help him.

Moses’ excuse: I’m not talented enough. (I don’t have the leadership skills to do the job.) “What if they do not believe me or listen to me and say, ‘The LORD did not appear to you’?” (Exodus 4:1).

God’s answer: He gave Moses three miraculous signs: the changing of Moses’ staff into a snake, the changing of the appearance of Moses’ hand, and the changing of water into blood ( Exodus 4:2-9). God gave Moses signs to prove to Moses and the Israelites that God was with Moses. God will give you what you need to do His will.

 

Moses’ excuse: I’m not qualified. “I have never been eloquent…. I am slow of speech and tongue” (Exodus 4:10).

God’s answer: “Who gave man his mouth?” (v. 11).

Moses’ excuse: I’m not the best choice. “Please send someone else to do it” (v. 13).

God’s answer: Aaron will help you (vv. 14-17).

Moses completely missed the message of God’s power. “I AM” is all that we need in every circumstance of life. It’s foolish for us to argue, “I am not,” when God said, “I AM.”—

Moses was showing a lack of faith. Maybe you have experienced failures in your past. Maybe you’re afraid of failure in the future. Remember what Philippians 4:13 says: I can do everything through him who gives me strength. I can face failure through Christ who gives me strength. You can face failure through Christ who gives you strength.

Many of us are like the African impala. The impala can jump to a height of over 10 feet and cover a distance of greater than 30 feet. Yet these amazing creatures can be kept in an enclosure in any zoo with a 3-foot wall. The animals will not jump if they can’t see where their feet will land

We live by faith, not by sight (2 Cor. 5:7). God didn’t reveal to Moses’ every detail of his future. But He did give Moses the promise that He would be with Him. In the end, Moses believed God’s promise and obeyed His will.

Faith is being fully persuaded that God [has] power to do what he [has] promised (Rom. 4:21).

◦When Abraham should have stayed in the land and trusted the Lord, he fled to Egypt because of the drought. And this was by no means the last of Abraham’s failures.

◦Moses, in trying to help his people, ran ahead of the Lord and killed the Egyptian. Later, against the command of God, he struck the rock in his anger.

◦When David should have been out in the field of battle, he stayed home and committed adultery with Bathsheba and then plotted the murder of her husband.

◦Peter, in spite of his self-confidence and his great boast, denied the Lord, as did the rest of the disciples who fled before the evening our Lord’s arrest was over.

Were these people failures?

 

 

Remember God and His grace because He is the one who fills in my shortcomings and failures. I could never perform or improve sufficiently to not need His grace (1 John 1:8, 2 Corinthians 12:9).

 Remembering God’s grace with thankfulness will lead to a life of joy, regardless of circumstances   (Luke 17:11-19).

 Remembering God’s grace will grow my love for Christ because those who has been forgiven much loves much (Luke 7:47). 

 Remembering God’s grace will teach me to say no to sin/ungodliness (Titus 2:11-14).

 How to overcome temptation to be fearful !

When I am tempted to feel like a failure and/or feel overwhelmed I will;

 Meditate on the these truths because the bridge between what I know and what I do is mediation (Psalm 19:14, Luke 6:43-45). NO MORE STINKING THINKIN’

 I will remember that these condemning thoughts (i.e. “I am a terrible Mom,” “I will never change,” “There is no hope for me.”) are not from God but are coming from the world, the flesh, or the devil and therefore I do not need to listen and/or believe them (Rev 12:10, John 8:44).

 I will repent when convicted of any sin(s) of believing lies about myself, God, or others (Proverbs 28:13).

 I will pray for wisdom as how to proceed with all my responsibilities, considering God’s agenda for me for the day (James 1:5-8). 

I will remember that growth is a lifelong process that will not be finished until I reach heaven (Proverbs 24:16, 2 Peter 3:18); therefore, regardless of my circumstances or failures, I can enjoy the journey and live a life of grace, thanksgiving, and joy.

 

Church Plant

AgapePoint Church

I am writing again because of a new excitement about life and what it holds, even my Wife and Children have noticed a new excitement in me.

In January of this year I and my Wife Beebe began attending Sunday services at a new church "plant" in our community. It started with five people, which were the Pastor and his family, we now have about thirty people on a regular basis. Our group includes the homeless and jobless as well as professional people from many faith groups. The goal is to include any and all, the un-churched, the "church hurt" kind and any who have a desire to reach people at their point of need.

Our Pastor is the director of our local Homeless Shelter, he spends his days helping people find housing, jobs and other resources. He helps to feed and clothe the needy and involves all of us in doing so.

Our fellowship has NO paid staff (not even the pastor). The church has just a few dollars each week in it's account, we meet in donated space in a children's activity center (jumpy houses, video games etc.). We believe the real Church is the one without walls, that is you and I going out not when we come into a building.

I now conduct a weekly study called Chain Breakers it started out as a addiction recovery program, then became a program for ALL of us with life controlling problems and we are now calling it a life application class. We deal with issues with which all of us experience, Un-forgiveness, fear of failure, anger, guilt and any other kind of problem we all face. This ministry was born out of my having had a cocaine addiction over twenty years ago and my life since that time.

I am writing this so all of you will know where I am coming from, you will see posts of my weekly class and other musings from the heart.

If you would like you can find out more about these activities by finding AgapePoint and Chain Breakers on Facebook. If you live in the Minden, LA area check out Kingdom Fun also on Facebook.

See our Webpage at the link below;

agapepoint.org



More on Forgiveness !

Sunday April 6, 2014

- The Aramaic word for "forgive" means literally to "untie."

Is forgiveness a conscious choice, or an emotional state?

I believe forgiveness is a choice we make through a decision of our will, motivated by obedience to God and his command to forgive. The Bible instructs us to forgive as the Lord forgave us:

Colossians 3:13 Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. (NIV)

How do we forgive when we don't feel like it? How do we translate the decision to forgive into a change of heart?

We forgive by faith, out of obedience. Since forgiveness goes against our nature, we must forgive by faith, whether we feel like it or not. We must trust God to do the work in us that needs to be done so that the forgiveness will be complete.

I believe God honors our commitment to obey Him and our desire to please him when we choose to forgive. He completes the work in his time. We must continue to forgive (our job), by faith, until the work of forgiveness (the Lord's job), is done in our hearts.

Refusing to forgive leaves an open wound in our soul that festers into bitterness, resentment, and depression. For our own good, and the good of the person who hurt us, we simply must forgive. Just as we trust God for our salvation, we have to trust him to make things right when we forgive. He will heal our wound so we can move on.

Philippians 1:6  And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns. (NLT)   Read 4,5 and 6

How will we know if we have truly forgiven?

We will know the work of forgiveness is complete when we experience the freedom that comes as a result. We are the ones who suffer most when we choose not to forgive. When we do forgive, the Lord sets our hearts free from the anger, bitterness, resentment and hurt that previously imprisoned us.

Most times, however, forgiveness is a slow process.

Matthew 18:21-22 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. (NIV)

This answer by Jesus makes it clear that forgiveness is not easy for us. It's not a one-time choice and then we automatically live in a state of forgiveness. Forgiveness may require a lifetime of forgiving, but it is important to the Lord. We must continue forgiving until the matter is settled in our heart.

Is it okay to feel anger and want justice for the person we need to forgive?

This question presents another reason to pray for the person we need to forgive. We can pray for God to deal with the injustices, for God to judge the person's life, and then we can leave that prayer at the altar. We no longer have to carry the anger. Although it is normal for us to feel anger toward sin and injustice, it is not our job to judge the other person in their sin.

 Luke 6:37  Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. (NIV)

Why must we forgive?

The best reason to forgive is because Jesus commanded us to forgive. We learn from Scripture, if we don't forgive, neither will we be forgiven:

 Matthew 6:14-16 For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.  (NIV)We also forgive so that our prayers will not be hindered:

Mark 11:25 And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins. (NIV)

 

 

 

 

Forgiveness

Forgiveness-

One of the most difficult things we humans are ever called upon to do is to respond to evil with kindness, and to forgive the unforgivable. We love to read stories about people who have responded to hatred with love, but when that very thing is demanded of us personally, our default seems to be anger, dread, anguish, depression, self-righteousness, hatred, etc. Yet study after study shows that one of the keys to longevity and good health is to develop a habit of gratitude and let go of past hurts. Want to live a long, happy life? Forgive the unforgivable. It really is the kindest thing you can do for yourself. Your enemy may not deserve to be forgiven for all the pain and sadness and suffering purposefully inflicted on your life, but you deserve to be free of this evil. As Ann Landers often said, "hate is like an acid. It damages the vessel in which it is stored, and destroys the vessel on which it is poured."

Here are some points to consider;

A-Realize that the hate you feel toward your adversary does not harm him or her in the way that you want. "Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for it to kill your enemy."

B-Understand that the best revenge against your enemies is to live a successful and happy life. Want to get even with someone who tried to destroy you? Show them and show yourself (and the world) that the obstacles they tried to create were not significant enough to disable you and/or destroy you.

C-Realize that the second best revenge is to turn the evil into something good, to find the proverbial silver lining in the dark cloud. Think of your enemy as someone who has helped you to grow. Even though unfortunate things happen to us, the best thing we can do is take those opportunities as tests that will either destroy or strengthen us. If you've been through something, it didn't destroy you - take what you learned and become a better person because of it.

D-Make a list of the good things that emerged as a result of this awful experience. You've probably focused long enough on the negative parts of this experience. Look at the problem from a completely new angle; look at the positive side. The first item on that list may be long overdue because you have focused on the negative for so long. See if you can identify 10 positive outcomes of this experience.

E-Look for the helpers. Fred Rogers (Mr. Rogers) related that, as a little boy, he'd often become upset about major catastrophes in the news. His mother would tell him, "look for the helpers." In your own nightmarish experience, think back to the people who helped you. Think about their kindness and selflessness Practice what you have learned from them. •Was someone your "Good Samaritan"?  Luke 10:25-37  Perhaps this isn't all about you. Perhaps your trial provided an opportunity for others to rise to an occasion to provide you with help and support.

F-Be compassionate with yourself. If you've ruminated over this problem for a long time, steering this boat into a new direction could take some time, too. As you try to make a new path out of the dark woods of this old hurt, you'll make mistakes. Forgive yourself. Be patient and kind to yourself. Extreme emotional pain has a profound effect on the body. Give yourself time to heal - physically and emotionally. Eat well. Rest. Focus on the natural beauty in the world. Give yourself permission to feel the emotions and process them. Don't bottle up the pain.

G-Learn that the Aramaic word for "forgive" means literally to "untie." The fastest way to free yourself from an enemy and all associated negativity is to forgive. Untie the bindings and loosen yourself from that person's ugliness. Your hatred has tied you to the person responsible for your pain. Your forgiveness enables you to start walking away from him or her and the pain. Forgiveness is for you and not the other party. Freeing yourself through forgiveness is like freeing yourself from chains of bondage or from prison.

H-Learn how to balance trust with wisdom. It's a fact that not all of our fellow humans are trustworthy. Painful memories can serve to protect us from future hurts. As author Rose Sweet writes, "A lack of trust is sometimes simply recognizing another's limitations".

 

•Forgiveness is not acceptance of wrong behavior. If you must continue to interact with someone who has wronged you, who has offered a lame apology only to follow it up with more bad behavior, nothing requires you to trust such a person. This person isn't likely to ever be trustworthy -- you must keep a distance. While it's fruitless to torment yourself over this person's actions, you should not be his or her willing victim. Acknowledge; move on.

•An offender who wants reconciliation must do his or her part: offer a sincere apology, promise not to repeat the offense (or similar ones), make amends, and give it time. If you don't see repentance, understand that according forgiveness to that person is a benefit to yourself, not to the offender.

•Unless those who have harmed us have truly repented of whatever they have done, we need to use wisdom in avoiding repeating the hurt. This may require avoiding those who are unrepentant of the harm that they have inflicted upon us. It would be wise to balance forgiveness against the certain knowledge that evil exists, and some people enjoy harming others.

I-Stop telling "the story." How many times this week did you tell "the story" about how badly you were hurt and how horribly you were wronged? How many times a day do you think about this hurt? It is a stake driven into the ground that keeps you from moving away from this hurt. Rather, forgive your enemy because it's the kindest thing you can do for your friends and family. Negativity is depressing - physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally.

J-Tell "the story" from the other person's perspective. Actually imagine that you are the other person (the one who offended you) and use the word "I" when saying what that person would say. You, most likely, don't know exactly what s/he was thinking when this event unfolded but pretend that you do, and just go with the story that comes up in your head. Sit down with a friend, or maybe even the person you are trying to forgive, and tell the story as though you are that person. It is important to do this verbally and not just in your head. Realize in advance that this is not an easy exercise, but it holds great power. Your willingness to tell the story from the offender's perspective requires an effort at forgiveness. Also, realize that this is not a contradiction to the preceding paragraph since this perspective will change your story.

K-Retrain your thinking. When your enemy and his or her evil actions come to mind, send him or her a blessing. Wish your enemy well. Hope the best for him or her. This has two effects. One, it neutralizes that acid of hate that destroys the vessel in which it is stored. The evil we wish for another seems to have a rebound effect. The same is true for the good that we wish for another. When you make yourself able to return blessing for hatred, you'll know that you're well on the path to wholeness. The first 15 - or 150 - times you try this, the "blessing" may feel contrived, empty, and even hypocritical but keep trying. Eventually, it will become a new habit and soon thereafter, the anger and pain that has burned in your heart will evaporate, like dew in the morning sun. This technique forces your mind to overcome the cognitive dissonance between hating someone and acting with compassion toward him or her. Since there is no way to take back the kind gesture to agree with your hatred, the only thing your mind can do is change your belief about the person to match. You will begin to say to yourself, "S/he is deserving of a blessing, and indeed, must need one very much."

L-Maintain perspective. While the "evil" actions of your "enemy" are hurtful to you and your immediate surroundings, the rest of the world goes on unaware. Validate their meaning in your life, but never lose perspective that others are not involved and do not deserve anything to be taken out on them. Your enemy is someone else's beloved child, someone's employee, or a child's parent.

•Keep the following quotes in mind if you're finding it hard to generate positive feelings for the person:

◦"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you." - Lewis B. Smedes

◦"Those who are the hardest to love, need it the most."

◦"Follow peace with all men, and holiness," -Hebrews 12:14."

◦"As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons." -The Desiderata by Max Ehrmann

◦"If we could read the secret history of our enemies we should find in each man's life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility." Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

◦"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" - The Golden Rule

◦"Be kind, for all you meet, are fighting a great battle."- Philo

◦"Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates his brother is still in the darkness. But whoever loves his brother lives in the light, and there is nothing in him to make him stumble." 1 John 2:9,10

◦"Anyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life in him." 1 John 3:15-

◦"The hatred you're carrying is a live coal in your heart - far more damaging to yourself than to them." Lawana Blackwell,

◦"The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget." Confucius

◦"But if ye do not forgive, neither will your Father which is in heaven forgive your trespasses." Mark 11:26.

◦"For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you" Matthew 6:14

 

• See yourself - in the future - as free of this pain and suffering..

•Forgive them, don't tell them, that's the answer! Forgiveness is yours and only yours , to live without forgiveness is a life full of hurt.

•Forgiveness comes easy when you know that what people say or do is about them, it’s not about you.

•Forgiveness is a choice. When you say, "I can't forgive that person," what you're really saying is, "I'm choosing not to forgive that person." If you say, "I can forgive", you'll find yourself forgiving soon.

•Sometimes it helps to think of how others have forgiven under incredible circumstances. Ask friends for support and examples to motivate you toward forgiveness.